mas·och·ism  /ˈmæsəˌkɪzəm, ˈmæz-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[mas-uh-kiz-uhm, maz-] 

1.	Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.

2.	gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

3.	the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.

4.	the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.

Yesterday I spent over eight hours bashing my head on my keyboard over a line. That's right, one line of text. One sentence in my story that I didn't like and that I didn't know how to fix. True, I wasn't in physical pain except for my forehead, but the mental anguish was nearly unbearable. I believe somewhere into the seventh hour someone passed by my work station and kindly suggest that I quit.

I looked at him as if he were the lunatic.

Today I got a critique on one of my favorite stories that ripped it to shreds. The critique pointed out every flaw, every plot hole, every overused word, everything. (If she's reading this, she's probably printing it out so she can read mark my overuse of 'every'.) She brutalized my story until it limped back to me wounded and bleeding.

I loved every second of it.

Tomorrow I will probably start receiving the torrent of rejection letters I'm expecting from the submissions I sent out last September. (Its about that time.) Tons of people who looked at my soul, smiled politely, and said 'no thank you.'

I'll probably love that too.

Maybe I'm not a good example of the average writer, but surely I'm not the only one who loves a good critique, a personal rejection letter, or fixing a hard line of text. Does that mean I appreciate the finer points of pain? I don't know. What do you think?

I really feel good about how my writing is coming of late. It seems that I'm learning something new or growing in some way every single day. I've settled into a routine of writing two good quality short stories every month, and sending them out the next month. My goal being to send out 30 short stories before the next Narnia movie comes out. Doesn't matter if I get rejected, its just getting over the stress of sending them out that is important.

So far I've got one rejection, one that hasn't had so much as a peep since January, and two out with no response. I've got high hopes for both the stories currently out, and the two new ones I have for June are just plain beautiful. (Yeah I know, trust a writer to sing her own praises)

Seriously though, even the people in my critique circle have given them a positive review. I just wish I could write like that all the time.

Happy early Memorial Day everyone, and God bless our vets!